still november 18th

People wait for things to pick up. wait for things to work properly. My little worldly mechanism of proper working is asleep in the house across the street, and won’t come back. The next 5 songs of mine are gonna have to have choruses, pre and post choruses, bridges, 8ths, all in the typical pop structure.

It’s hard to sing songs live like my Scottish Anchors. The first 2 I wrote on piano, the 3rd on guitar. the 3rd isn’t exactly rhythmic, upbeat style, nor is it a slow song. I’m not sure how to do it when I look at it. I’d prefer to just sing it with something me & Max made. Also I just can’t have my parents hearing that stuff I sing about him. Writing songs about love is difficult, you have to have an honesty you can’t keep to yourself. I’d like to quote from Cultural Anthropology: A Contemporary Perspective here and now:

“meanings that are shared and public transcend private worlds of thought and belief”. 

In a good way, they mean.

Transcendent.

——————-                                                                            *                                                                               ——————–

My posts, just to warn ya, will include thoughts of pop songs, historical debates, school essays I liked writing, and whatever I’m doing as well as some interesting stuff I’ve done. Like living with 10 German girls I didn’t know in a motel in Huskisson for a week. But sometimes they’re quiet things. I seem to go quiet lately. I’m moving off guitar, off piano because it’s like I can’t afford them in this new world of female singers. Really no I’m not kidding, the guitar is a dying instrument in mainstream. I am not mainstream, but need to have a new outlet of performance I guess.

Can’t wait for Christmas cause I’ll get a Mac laptop and can put Ableton Live 9 onto it off Max, and write my own songs. No problems working with him, I just want to publish music as my own. And it’s easier to do when I’m writing songs like Scottish Anchor, so I don’t get embarrassed by a 21 year old acquaintance sitting there watching me throw up my love life about some ratbag kid. It’s like walking up to an old man in the supermarket and saying you have herpes: there are other ways to tell people your problems without having to be completely awkward. Things are changing around again, and I wish I could just stay in one musical world and headspace, but one is never enough.

Also can’t afford outrageous violence and running away like I tend to do in my holidays. I literally plan everyday of my holidays so that I’m away from home, so I can escape from what’s happening there. My attention span is short cause I’m fucking terrified. If I’m not doing music I have to console myself with another activity, hence all the other things I do.

I’m an artist, but a bad one.

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